A-Rod Juiced

Surprise! Yankee "star" player Alex Rodriguez just got outed for using steroids! He tested positive in 2003, the year he won the M.V.P. award which gave him the leverage to, as Will put it, "get the big contract with the Yanks AND TAKE THEM NOWHERE." That contract runs until 2019 (!), giving A-Fraud a possible net of $300 million.

Universe 16, Yankees 0. Karma's a bitch.